I’m depressed.  I’m lethargic so I can only get myself to use the tools that I have at my disposal that are the least amount of effort to use.  Thinking right thoughts could instantly change things, but for every right thought that I produce there is a “but” to nullify it.  This depression is different than my multi-year episodes.  I am able to feel moments of happiness, clarity, and laughter.  But they are way too few and far between.  This depression is situational which then results in a chemical imbalance which doesn’t easily correct itself.  I believe that even if all of my situational stuff fixed, I’d still be depressed for a while.  I don’t generally bounce back so quickly.

It’s been like a roller coaster ride for my wife.  One hour I’m great and the next I’m sad, lonely, angry, resentful, and filled with self-hatred and self-disgust.  I’ve recently switched where I get my medication from.  I used to get it locally at CVS and now I’m getting it throw Express Scripts.  I wonder if the amounts of medication are the same?  I should have them tested, but I’m too lethargic to check it out.  Did you know that generic medications are permitted to have up to ten percent less of the a active ingredient than the brand named medications?  Someone feel free to double check my percentage because I am writing this from memory, but even if it’s less it’s outrageous.  The FDA is tho country doesn’t give a shit about the people it was put in place to protect.  It’s all about money.  It’s almost always about money, and that will eventually destroy us.