Rants are the things I write when I’m very depressed or very angry. The purpose of posting some of my rants are to the volatility of the mood swings that can occur with someone who is depressed. It also is a way for the readers of this blog to know that I am one of them. We probably share various moods, states of mind, and experiences. Yet every person is different, and every person can experience the same events differently too.


I seem to be starting most of my sparsely spaced posts because I’ve been going through changes as you will also go through changes as you break depression.  For 9 months I have been holding out on writing about two new therapies that I am doing that are amazing.  I […]

I’m depressed.  I’m lethargic so I can only get myself to use the tools that I have at my disposal that are the least amount of effort to use.  Thinking right thoughts could instantly change things, but for every right thought that I produce there is a “but” to nullify it.  This depression is different than my multi-year episodes.  I am able to feel moments of happiness, clarity, and laughter.  But they are way too few and far between.  This depression is situational which then results in a chemical imbalance which doesn’t easily correct itself.  I believe that even if all of my situational stuff fixed, I’d still be depressed for a while.  I don’t generally bounce back so quickly.

It’s been like a roller coaster ride for my wife.  One hour I’m great and the next I’m sad, lonely, angry, resentful, and filled with self-hatred and self-disgust.  I’ve recently switched where I get my medication from.  I used to get it locally at CVS and now I’m getting it throw Express Scripts.  I wonder if the amounts of medication are the same?  I should have them tested, but I’m too lethargic to check it out.  Did you know that generic medications are permitted to have up to ten percent less of the a active ingredient than the brand named medications?  Someone feel free to double check my percentage because I am writing this from memory, but even if it’s less it’s outrageous.  The FDA is tho country doesn’t give a shit about the people it was put in place to protect.  It’s all about money.  It’s almost always about money, and that will eventually destroy us.